Top 200 amazing Funny Monday Quotes that make your Monday funny.

Actually Monday is very very full from busy work and to getting fun in the Monday is very hard but we have some things that will give you almost of a smile after reading and that smile you get reading our funny Monday quotes.

So don’t escape a single line if you want to make your Monday full of fun and blasting smiles.

PART 1; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “Becoming a silent fool speak your thought and washed away all your foolishness.”
  • “The best thing about the future one has seen it, but all are worried about it.”
  • “The only mystery in my life is why the pilots wore helmets.”
  • “Light travels faster than sound. This is the reason why some people appear bright before they speak.”
  • “Nobody realises how funny to work on Monday with funny people.”
  • “boys marry girls with the hope that they never change. Girls marry boys with the hope that they will change. but t both of them get disappointed.”
  • “The main difference between stupid and genius is that genius has limits.”
  • “All the things I like are immoral, illegal or fattening.”
  • “War is God’s way of teaching us human cruelness.”
  • “It will be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is needed for political campaign.”
  • “The average dogs are a nicer person than the average person.”
  • “At every celebration, there are two kinds of person – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The problem is, they are married to each other.”

PART 2; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “Doctors and lawyers are the same; the only difference is that lawyers can rob you, whereas doctors can rob you and kill you both.”
  • “I do not believe in astrology; I am blind.”
  • “My opinion has changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
  • “To be sure target hitting, shoot first, and place board after that.”
  • “Trouble knocked your door, but, after hearing laughter, it hurried away.”
  • “Whisky is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
  • “Have you ever noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?”
  • “Be who you are because it is necessary.”
  • “Most people will die sooner than think; in fact, they do so.”
  • “The world is full of magical-things all we have to wonder it.”
  • “When I see peoples holiday picture on Monday, I become jealous of them.”
  • “Everything that was love for me is now hate.”Funny Monday Quotes
  • “Money would not buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of large research staff to study the problem.”
  • “Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes.”
  • “Going to the temple doesn’t make you a Hindu any more than going to a garage makes you machinic.”
  • “If you’re going to tell a person the truth, be funny, or they’ll kill you.”
  • “A bank will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
  • “Inside me, a thin person is struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”
  • “We never grow up; we only learn how to act in public.”
  • “As a child, my family’s menu has only two choices: take it or leave it.”
  • “My favourite game is a mobile game.”
  • “a person who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”

PART 3; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “I always arrive late at the food, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
  • “Don’t worry about the world because nobody cares about you.”
  • “By the time a person realises that his dad was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
  • “A day without happiness is a day wasted.”
  • “Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”
  • “High heels were invented by a girl who had been kissed on the forehead.”
  • “If you love something, set it free, do not take because it comes from a lot of problems.”
  • “When I was a boy a person told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.”
  • “A stockbroker requested me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. give me that plan when it becomes Triple'”
  • “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
  • “I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
  • “A study says women have good verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the writer of that study: ‘Duh.'”
  • “Starbucks says they are going put religious quotes on cups. The customer will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!'”
  • “Laughing at my own mistakes can lengthen our own Life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
  • “If you can not live without me, why aren’t you dead?”
  • “At least mosquitoes are attracted to me.”
  • “Remember, that today is the tomorrow you are only worried about yesterday.”
  • “Education is learning what you didn’t after knowing that.”
  • “It is a fact that all 99% of genius who thinks themself as genius are dumping.”
  • “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.”
  • “A failure is like fertiliser; it makes things grow faster in the future.”
  • “if anything bites you it’s more likely to be female.”

PART 4; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “If you overthink about food, then food will not go in your mouth, so take action, not stress and be happy in life.”
  • “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
  • “I usually refuse to answer that question which I don’t know the answer.”Funny Monday Quotes
  • “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it has become past.”
  • “I was born to make mistakes and learn, not to fake perfection.”
  • “An alcoholic is someone who drinks less but does drinking acting more.”
  • “If you think no one cares if you’re alive or dead, try missing a by taking loans.”
  • “Do not take Life seriously. it is only a comedy.”
  • “A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
  • “My grandmother started walking six miles a day when she was eighty. he’s ninety-seven now, and he won’t know where the hell is.”
  • “How many people here have to feel telekinetic powers? by Raising my hand.”
  • “I asked God for a bike, but It doesn’t work. So I stole a K.T.M and asked God for forgiveness.”
  • “Leave something for someone, but don’t too much thing.”
  • “Never go to those doctors whose clinic plants have died.”
  • “We should never have more children than you have car windows.”
  • “nothings is great already man make it great.”
  • “You’re as good as your last haircut.”

PART 4; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with your enemy.”
  • “I can’t understand why people will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”
  • “The first time when I sang in the church; two hundred people changed their religion.”
  • “Patriotism is our conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”
  • “I learned from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”
  • “Happiness has a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
  • “If you live for 100 years, that means you have to spend boarding life on earth.”
  • “Have you noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is stupid?”
  • “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
  • “If you try to fail, and try to succeed, which have you done?”

PART 5; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “Most people work just hard enough but not smartly.”
  • “To those of you who received distinctions, I say a good job. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be prime minister of the United States.”
  • “Whoever said the money couldn’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
  • “A black cat crossing your path demonstrate that the cat is going somewhere.”
  • “Behind every successful person is a girl behind her is his wife.”
  • “dear god meat sky with land but don’t make meet my wife meet with my girlfriend.”
  • “I reject to join any club that wouldn’t make member.”

PART 6; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
  • “Try to learn new things and laugh at your mistake.”
  • “Marriage is the main reason for divorce.”
  • “The most significant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”Funny Monday Quotes
  • “Ant is the most powerful species in the world; they can take things 20 times of their weight.”
  • “It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”
  • “Before marriage, no one looks beautiful, but after marriage, all girls are beautiful beside my wife.”
  • “A jailer said to a criminal we will hang till death at six o clock and he smiled and said I usually wake up at ten clocks.”
  • “if you want to wake up morning then sleep early.”
  • “All men are equal before fish.”

PART 6; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “You tried your best, and you failed again and again. The lesson is ‘never try.'”
  • “My father told me that there is two types of person: those who do those work and those who take credit. He told me you should choose the first group; because there was much less competition.”
  • “person who think they know everything are a great tare greatest dump.”
  • “Money is not the essential thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love Money.”
  • “girls are wiser than boys because they know less and understand more.”
  • “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”
  • “According to a new survey, 80% of men say their lover is also their best friend. but man’s best friend is his dog.”
  • “Haters are just confused because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”
  • “It’s amazing, the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
  • “Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.”
  • “Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.”

PART 7; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “The act of opening a bottle of whiskey has brought more happiness to the man than winning the Olympics.”
  • “Age is just a number. It’s irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”Funny Monday Quotes
  • “Forgive your enemies, but never forget them.”
  • “Life moves very fast. If you stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
  • “Life is easy; it’s harder if you’re poor.”
  • “If life were fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.”
  • “I stay stupid because I don’t want to be gentle by talking with stupid.”
  • “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”

PART 8; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “The safe way to save your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
  • “True terror is to wake up one Monday morning.”
  • “A successful person is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful girl is one who can find such a person.”
  • “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows that what he doesn’t know.”
  • your brain will fall out If you’re too open-minded.”
  • “I always wanted to be something for somebody, and suddenly she chooses another body.”
  • “The highway to success is always on under construction.”
  • “Until we value our-self, we won’t value your time. Until we value your time, you will not do anything with it.”
  • “I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”

PART 9; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “Cleaning up with children around is like shovelling during a blizzard.”
  • “Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.”
  • “Age is an issue of mind where everything matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t nothings matter.”
  • “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
  • “Clothes make the man. Naked people do not influence society.”
  • “I am an old person and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
  • “I am only human, and I follow humanity.”
  • “I would have written a terse letter, but I did not have the time.”
  • “never say I will do tomorrow because tomorrow never happens.”
  • “Worrying is like paying a debt which you don’t have taken.”
  • “Do not make the mistake of treating dogs like humans, or they will treat you like dogs.”
  • “Son, if you want anything in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
  • “God is at home, and it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”
  • “Knowledge is like knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
  • “A commitment is a thing that keeps minutes and loses hours.”

PART 10; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “If evolution works, how can mothers only have two hands?”
  • “My doctor told me that jogging helps to live extra life but what is the meaning of the extra life if I spend in the jogging.”
  • “The only one time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”
  • “It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
  • “The only things that stop God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”Funny Monday Quotes
  • “When you get older, three will things happen. The first is your memory goes, and you can’t remember the other two.”
  • “Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies.”
  • “If you make a noise but make it quietly.”
  • “A girl mind is cleaner than a boy’s: She removes it more often.”
  • “Man has his will, but the woman has her way.”

PART 11; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “There’s was a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
  • “What the world needs is more actual geniuses; there are so few of us left.”
  • “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
  • “Always forgive your enemies – nothing disturbs them so much.”
  • “I am so much clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
  • “I can resist everything except temptation.”
  • “Women need all your love and money, not your understanding.”
  • “Of all the things which I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
  • “The only reason some people why I succeed because I want to succeed.”
  • “To err is human, but to foul things up, you need a computer.”
  • “I have learned  many things from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.”
  • “I want my children to have things that I couldn’t afford so I am also working on Sunday.”
  • “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives, teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve telling them to sit-down and shut-up.”
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
  • “Life is a sexually transmitted disease.”
  • “I dream of a better tomorrow, but I know tomorrow never “

PART 12; Funny Monday Quotes.

  • “The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”Funny Monday Quotes
  • “I find my girlfriend is the most annoying person when I make her wife.”
  • “When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”
  • “Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
  • “When I eventually met Mr Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
  • “There is one secret that no one should be told and the secret is it is secret.”
  • “I read a lot of biographers, and almost all biographers are 80% the same.”
  • “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
  • “All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”
  • “By working faithfully eight hours don’t make your successful.”
  • “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”

Which are your best Funny Monday Quotes?

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